astoldbymaan

October 23, 2008

I’ve been playing this song lately. It’s quite appropriate for INFP’s from MBTI and 4′s from Eneagram *which is quite rare* Everything I say seems to be concrete now and if this goes on, I’d be part of those villagers back there. Ok. Let me try.

Having no contact with my emotions and principles left me heartless and uncompromising. It wouldn’t make a difference for narrow-minded humans of course. Let them live with envy in their insecure lives. I don’t even feel a thing. It’s like my arm’s bleeding and I didn’t even notice that it’s totally drenched in blood. Besides that, I’m acting carelessly *alot more than usual* as if I’m not afraid of losing anything. Damn it. When this trance’s over, I might lose everything. Like suneohair’s split, I wish there was such a thing as a third path. The song’s asking how long will I keep these words to myself. I’m not sure. Yui says Why Me or simply Why. If I try to break it all down, I might get even a hint of that aperger I’ve been talking about. Risk all that to die a fool.

February 10, 2009

Nope. Hindi ito tungkol sakin. Tungkol ito sa isang nakasama ko. I know everybody had their own taste of rejection. Probably the most painful, for some, is to be rejected by the person whom you care for the most. Although personally I haven’t experienced this, I can empathize. The thought of me losing the person I love actually scares me. Anyway, let’s assign a codename… Nanami I suppose… (currently playing suikoden 2… off to greenhill )

So Nanami has feelings for this guy (another codename, Clive..? O.o –another character from suikoden). The usual… started off as friends… developed feelings… confessed… got rejected… but on this case, nasira na yung friendship dahil dun. Parang kita ko lang kay Clive (last time I saw him at least) na nireject niya si Nanami ng husto… so sad, so sad…

Ayan nandito nanaman ako sa kababawan stage… kaya nga Life of the Typical Age eh…

So hanggang ngayon di pa rin nakakagetover si Nanami. Tagal na nun. She lost herself along the way… *sigh* Inisip ko yan yung nagagawa ng karma. Nanami loves herself so much nagiging self-centered/selfish siya at affected yung iba. That’s what she probably deserves. Alot of people may be attracted to her, truth is, they’re only acquaintances. May masasabihan nga cya ng problema, pero hanggang dun na lang yun. Nobody will even bother on understanding her. Sabi pa nya sakin naiinis pa cya na lahat ng gusto nya napupunta sa iba. Naisip ko talaga ulit yung karma. Baka di nga nya deserve mga yun.

September 22, 2008

…and so the cycle continues with everyone. For someone to drift themselves upon daring to be nonexistent or merely be tickled by death, so it seems that it’s quite hard to embrace life these days. There should be some pulmonary disease in season ’cause I see these people hardly breathing with incessant strokes…

This girl from St.Scho would excuse herself “Ate, may I go out? I have to drink my meds for my asthma” Lucky girl I thought. You’ve got meds and these people who can afford all the Chucks in the world, see their beloved notice someone else but their beloved could never give them a glance for a possibility that they can be loved too, and they choose not to be cured.

The Villagers — outside the box – the married, the seekers, the singletons, the freaks, the best decievers in town, in the class – the bossy kid you all hate. Some humans huh?

“Someone once told me the grass was much greener on the other side…” -As Told by Ginger

Below is reality concealed by fiction. If you read by its literal sense, you get a little kick of my fantasy. Go beyond that and you may find yourself speculating. A bit more and your mind wanders with questions, but if you were smart, you’d stick with the little kick. Read on to get a taste of total perplexity.

July 17, 2008

Dean and Nicky once had a cup of coffee… Java Chip from Seattle’s Best I suppose… It was like that, 8:00 in the evening. There should’ve been cigarettes, another pack of gum like Chicky once had, or Kumi’s favorite white chocolate… but then it was only a pair of cup where the java chip and vanilla bean took the shape. Blended with those relishing thoughts, it somehow fogged their lips like how that steam/iron/brush my brother and I use for our clothes.

So when did Seattle’s Best close..? Still there in SM North, Trinoma, and there’s also one in Eastwood. But no more fog on their lips. Coffee gone cold. Not about that kind of thing you’re thinking that every girl wishes to have or some guy offers the real one *rare*, but it’s like Erich Fromm’s marketing character. Overshadowing effect… so somebody has to be psychic… It was Mitzi’s idea. If no aroma is inhaled by those nose holes, I’m sure the previous one just turned into carbon dioxide or something. Might be even full of methane.

March 15, 2008

The first thing I wanted to do this morning was to write another chapter on my blog.
“Wake up. Wake up” my big brother keeps on catching them. He said that no matter what happens, even if they all act like children/humanoid wannabe’s, blood will forever be thicker than water. No matter how pessimistic they are, no matter how many times they try to destroy my ego, even if that regression comes to that point where they stick cotton balls in your nose, you’ll just have to let it all go and mind your own life.

But what happens if they stick cotton balls in your family’s noses? Should you still mind your life and only yours? and if I have my own issue and do nothing about it, wouldn’t that be masochostic? Caught at my most vulnerable state. A friend did say that it’s a tough world, reality does bite if you’re realistic, and there’s more to life than sulking over what could have been if I did this or that.

My big brother said that I do have a direction. Most people don’t see it because you keep on wearing a mask; but the people in your life can because they can see through you.

Another friend texted saying that “Ignorance is bliss.” I did have that kind of perception before and now there’s nothing I can do. I will just have to accept that everyday I’d realize something and keep up with it. The more I realize something, the more I become aware, and the more I’m left behind. I’m used to that. It’s part of the cycle I’ve been going through over the decade. Growing up with pessimistics, living with them, and gaining an optimistic/realistic friend to neutralize the vibe. Move on.

March 14, 2008

So this is my fourth attempt… While waiting for that knight, I was thinking hey, one more year and I’m into the real world… like, what real world?
Everybody’s stuck in their High School/Grade School or even Kindergarten form. Everybody’s regression is toooooooo contagious. Yeah, hooray… I was infected…

*For nonpsychs, regression is a defense mechanism wherein you return temporarily to a developmental stage (eg. it’s like from adulthood to your toddler years aka genital to anal stage) just to escape anything that threatens your ego*

Just what my old friend said, “That’s life…”
I have never been into somebody’s constriction before. I mean, lately, I’m seeing a few humans wearing unnecessary double masks. (They are actually trying so hard to be humanoids but hahahaha!!! I can see through you, idiots!!!) It’s alright… oh no! Not alright!!! You’re all destroying my ego!!! Well, at least you think you are, but then, you don’t even have the slightest scratch on me… At least I know I’m only wearing one mask… but a double mask? Awww… clever idea??? Well yeah… because everyone else is an idiot just like you…

Perhaps I’m being paranoid again. Self-pity? Ahahahahaha!!! That is soooo not me…

Change topic please… my other ego said.

Ok, by my other ego’s request, change topic.

3years and well, I haven’t seen my old friend Shan. She’s been busy for a while… like a long vacation. We’ll surely meet she promised the last time we met. She was bedridden that time… lots and lots of dextrose in line. After that, she went abroad. She said that we’ll be able to meet each other next year. If not, after my graduation. Can’t wait.

She’s been wondering how I got some self-actualization and since it’s everybody’s secret, it’s a must for a secretkeeper, “Just come and see.”

That’s about it. I’ll get myself a frostie and a pack of gum.